“One should fall in love with something that everyone should long for,” wrote Javier Marías. A few months ago, the CIS asked Spaniards what it is that makes them fall in love and, more broadly, what their view on love entails. The survey results reveal some of the emblematic symptoms of our era, such as the rise of hyper-individualism or the increasingly stark gaps between men and women. Yet they also reflect a country that clings to a certain idealism despite living in a moment that is extremely unsettled and confusing. In this tumultuous present, marked from start to finish by the expansion of artificial intelligence (AI), personal relationships are returning to the center of attention. And they do so surrounded by a great uncertainty that does not seem to be accompanied by the importance this topic deserves.
Love as a masculine need and the AI problem
Although this debate has not reached Spain with the same intensity as in countries like South Korea or the United States, it is worth discussing the incel phenomenon. Involuntary celibates, who are men frustrated by the impossibility of finding a romantic partner (usually a woman), have sparked a broad discussion touching on demographics and the political landscape of countries.
“In this present so tumultuous, marked from start to finish by the expansion of artificial intelligence, personal relationships return to the center of attention”
In short, there is a community of young men who express—online as well as in person—their dissatisfaction with the inability to form a romantic relationship. From this group emerge various misogynistic arguments, which have been the subject of numerous analyses and reveal a shared sense of grievance. The CIS, although it does not ask about anything similar, does find an interesting data point that can help us understand this issue a bit better: men attach much more importance to love than women. Asked whether they consider a romantic relationship as “important for a satisfactory life,” eight in ten men say yes, versus six in ten women.
The gap widens especially among singles: 60.2% of men express interest or strong interest in having a relationship. Among women, the percentage falls to 27.7%. Undoubtedly, this is a significant gap that aligns with the emotional imbalance voiced by involuntary celibates: why do men imagine a fulfilling life as something far more tied to a partner than women do? Or in other words, why do men express greater dependence? It wouldn’t be far-fetched to think that the well-studied ideological differences between men and women may be related to these questions. In their response, one might find a first step toward narrowing the gap.
At the same time, this context of imbalance across all age groups may be the breeding ground for a decline in human relationships. The idea is not, by any stretch, new: thirteen years ago the film Her (2013) premiered, with Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix) as its protagonist, who, after the failure of his marriage, ends up developing a romantic relationship with an artificial intelligence. Today, in 2026, AI stands at a maturity level similar to what the work of fiction posits and the dissatisfaction around love does not bode well for the future.
This is already a reality. On forums like Reddit, various users recount how they have progressed—more or less deliberately—toward a relationship with AI. We do not have Spain-specific numbers, but in the United States, 28% of adults surveyed by a consultancy claimed they had had or were maintaining at least one “intimate or romantic” relationship with an AI agent. In Ireland, the figure is one in ten adults (also in 2025), rising to 13% among men, while among women it stands at 7%.
“In the United States, 28% of adults claimed they had had or were maintaining at least one ‘intimate or romantic’ relationship with an AI agent”
Science-fiction author Yuval Noah Harari has named the era shift in which companies now compete: “We are moving from the pursuit of attention to the pursuit of intimacy”, the historian explained a few weeks ago on Ezra Klein’s podcast. In this new economy of intimacy, the AI that can provide the responses that best comfort us and deepen the parasocial relationship with it will be more successful. Companies, Harari explained, know this all too well and are already vying for a place in users’ intimate lives. But not everything about love in the 21st century is doom and gloom.
Romantic Myths
Even though men seem more predisposed to pair life, both sexes lean toward an idealized vision of love. 64.2% of Spaniards believe that “true love can conquer all” and 60.7% think this kind of love “is for life”. Options such as polyamory or open relationships remain minority (34.1%), but they enjoy more support among the young. On whether love can conquer all, the CIS has already asked this in its pandemic-era surveys on relationships during and after the outbreak. The result remains broadly similar, though in 2023 it peaked, reaching 70%.
In general, there is a majority with a decidedly idealized vision of love that clashes with what can be seen in romantic relationships today. The respondents themselves (77.1%) indicate that “the current rush is negative for love”.
In this regard, dating apps may have something to do with it. 25.2% of Spaniards admit having created a profile on at least one of them, but these come with a negative view. For example, we believe that people lie more on them (87.6%), that they promote treating people as mere objects (75.6%), and that they do not facilitate finding love (only 18.9% think they do).
It is quite interesting that, despite having almost everything against it (the current lifestyle, the ways we relate, the gaps, etc.), there is no loss of faith in love as an ideal. That said, the ways in which we idealize may differ significantly depending on one’s ideology. As ideology shifts to the right, more traditional ideals are accepted to a greater degree, such as the idea of the soulmate or love for life. Conversely, some more disruptive ideals, like polyamory, gain traction as we move left.
Is Love the Great Challenge of the Decade?
Love is not a trivial matter and should not be relegated to the realm of the merely sentimental. How we relate to others, why we do so, and under what premises we do it are decisive for understanding how societies evolve. When Javier Marías wrote that what makes us fall in love is something others should envy, he did so with the understanding that love is the source of the most intense feelings in people.
We must not forget that we are still living through a decade marked by polarization, which often ends, just like love, in hatred. If we uncover what we seek—as a life goal—and why we do not have it, everything can become easier. But that requires a certain level of understanding. Gender gaps and age gaps are still there, as they have always been, and they must be resolved in the same way they have in the past: by bringing positions closer and engaging in dialogue between the parties.
“We risk losing closeness to others and locking ourselves in the self-congratulatory echo of AI-generated answers”
What is undoubtedly a new challenge is the AI factor. In the present, we face the risk of losing closeness to others and locking ourselves in the self-satisfaction of AI-generated responses designed to foster intimate dependence. We have a lot at stake: 95% of people associate love with happiness, commitment or equality. I can think of no other issue that generates greater consensus and places such important feelings at the center.
